I think I wrote in one of these earlier posts that going to college and joining a sorority is like having your future friends handed to you. Being in a network of 120 girls also has other social perks. There is never a day/weekend where there isn’t something fun you can go to or participate in.
Similarly, boys are easy to come by. They’re everywhere, they’re dying to meet girls, and it’s convenient to hang out with them 24/7admist friends, social events, parties, date functions, class, Aggieville, ect.
You automatically have something in common with these people, whether it be mutual friends, a favorite bar, a difficult class, an organization, the awful food in your sorority, or the most obvious one: the same college.
To sum it up in short terms, in both high school and especially college relationships are easy to form and maintain.
After almost completing a year post-grad I’ve learned that relationships with those you care about take more effort than they did in college.
So here's list of what i've learned. Enjoy!
Proximity: Isn’t there. Because Aggieville isn’t a stumble away from your home anymore. You can’t turn the corner and walk into the room of your five best friends. You can’t stop at your boyfriend’s house on the walk home from class. If you want to see those people you have to make the effort to see them. Sometimes miles of distance make talking the only plausible form of communication.
(Why else would my g-chat, texting, face book chat and BBM skills be as finely tuned as they are? …)
Convenience: disappears. Hanging out with one person you’d like to spend time with might mean “tagging along” with a bunch of people you don’t know.
Example: being with a bunch of people from a rival school who think they’re better than any breed of K-Stater (this may or may not be referring to my KU boyfriend) OK so I was completely exaggerating just had to throw that one in here.
But for the record, it makes a great example. Before we had mutual friends I would suffer the anti-K-State banter alone. Now that our friends know each other and get along we can all go places together. But it took a couple months of effort (and a lighter attitude about the college jokes) for it to reach that stage.
Communication: Becomes extremely important. Because everybody is at completely different stages of their lives pursuing completely different goals I’ve learned that now more than ever is the time where it becomes necessary to communicate effectively.
A completely hypothetical example: as a person working from 9-5 you might not understand why your roomie can’t talk to you when you come home and want to be social. Your happy hour time equals their study time. Without this understanding, resentment thrives, and the next thing you know, you aren’t talking to each other and you both don’t know why. Without the endless distractions you used to have in college these tiny misunderstanding can turn big. Because each person’s lifestyle is now starkly different from the next, sometimes it becomes necessary to explain where you’re coming to prevent somebody from taking things personally.
Options: Aren't always there and available. Sometimes there won't be plans for a Friday or Saturday night, and you might have to *gasp* make them!
Which brings me to my next:
Creativity: keeps relationships from going stale.It gets easy to fall into a routine but with any type of relationships switching it up keeps it alive. The two best matched people in the world could get bored with each other if they did the exact same thing all the time.
Find commonalities.A perfect example: I never get to spend time with my roommate who’s in nursing school but we both joined the same fitness club and now we get to go to work out class together. (Although this might be more accurately described as “trauma-bonding” because we can relate to each other’s daily aching muscles)
Make daily effort: Even though you don't always feel like catering to somebody else. I’ve learned it’s important to keep the effort going on both ends. A “good morning” from a roommate or an extra hug, kiss or kind word from a boyfriend can make a huge difference in my day.
Self-fulfillment: Because if you aren’t happy with yourself, you won’t fully be able to give to somebody else. You’ll either a) take your problems out on them or b) depend on them for your happiness; both of which aren’t fair. That’s why a little alone time to take care of yourself/make yourself happy never hurt anybody.
Money: becomes more of a necessity. Sometimes it takes a full tank of gas or a plane ride to see a friend. Suddenly you watch your wallet empty as you realize that more often than not, spending time with friends or a boyfriend in KC requires some more cash expenditure.
Time: Flies out the window and the next thing you know you’ve had none to yourself. Sometimes I realize it’s been a week since I’ve worked out, grocery shopped, or done any laundry. Trying to maintain friends and/or relationships on top of a full-time job will do that to you. But it's also necessary to sometimes make sacrifices to your daily schedule. You can't have your cake and eat it, too.
Speaking of time, an hour of my work day has just flown out the window and if my supervisor asks what I’ve done it wouldn’t be wise to have nothing to show for myself. So I’m out of here. Sorry to end so abruptly hope you enjoyed reading!
