BOYS.

You either love them or you hate them.

They can bring a smile to your face, butterflies to your stomach or an extra bounce to your step.
Or they can just bring on the tears.
This weekend, after having come to grips with certain boy problems of my own I was ready to relax and have fun. Ironically enough, my friends too were in situations that caused them to share my intense hate for the male race, thus making it difficult to distract myself.

“He hasn’t called me in two weeks. What should I do?”
“He won’t hang out with my friends.”
“I tell him I miss him and he replies: ‘I’m drunk’.”
“Is it bad that it’s been 3 hours and he hasn’t texted me back?”

I am not exaggerating any of these.

Between listening to girls’ attempts to decipher the meaning behind these actions, watching them stay IN to avoid possible run-ins with their exes and even waking up on my friend’s couch to hear her roommate bawling on the phone, telling the EXACT same boy story with THREE different friends, I had an epiphany. Actually several. Here are realizations I have made in just the past week.

1.) It is pointless to “crack the male code”.
Because there is no male code to crack. Boys are simple. They either like us or they don’t.
Why do girls bemoan their situations? Because deep down they know that the guy isn’t interested but they’d like to think they are the exception and want to hear their friends affirm this. I would be a hypocrite if I didn’t admit to doing this. I didn’t truly realize how pathetic/ stupid I must sound at times until I heard some of the things these girls were saying. If he tells you he loves you and never shows it, don’t be fooled. As an objective listener it became very clear to me. Some of these girls were 27 years old. 27. And still haven’t learned.
….. “He hasn’t called me in two weeks. What should I do?” (..uh…… DUH?)

2.) People don’t change.
Can they learn? Yes. The inexperienced ones will inevitably stumble through the first part of their first serious relationships and deserve some leeway. But a person’s character will never change. Likewise, a person who dumped you isn’t going to wake up one day and realize you’re the one. They might for a while but they will inevitably return to their original state of mind. Trust me. I have learned this one the very, very hard way and am currently kicking myself in the butt because of it. (However, I have also learned that there are exceptions to this too. Depends on the situation). You see the good in them. You know they have it in there. They are a better person because of you. Maybe he’ll grow out of… Maybe he’ll realize...If only he didn’t do… He’d be so perfect if… Red flags.
Because I don’t wish to share my relationship details with the entire cyber world, the best way I can explain this is in a hypothetical situation. If you date a binge drinker who stops drinking because of you, you will feel exceptionally great. He loves you so much that he gave up his passion. Hate to break it to you, but you will eventually get dumped because he will eventually go back to binge drinking and will eventually marry somebody who is either ok with it or a binge drinker themselves. Wow, what a lucky girl. Do you really want that to be you?

3.) Just because he’s a good guy doesn’t mean he’s good for you.
This one’s simple. I believe there are officially 5 different ways people like to receive and show affection. (Megan are you the one who told me about this?). It’s true. It is very possible that somebody is showing you affection in a way different than you’d like to receive it. I.e.: If you’re a talker and need to vent your feelings don’t be with somebody who can’t handle hearing them. If you like to cuddle don’t date somebody who doesn’t. Find the person who can.

4.) You are in control of your emotions.
Not boys. Believe it or not. Stop blaming them for all your problems. Because ultimately you have the power to get rid of them. (I literally just learned this one)

5.) You can use the time you otherwise would have spent obsessing over a boy to focus on YOU.
It’s a great feeling. To wake up every morning and be in control of your mood that day. To not wonder if he’s going to call, going to text, is going to want to hang out, is going to be mad at you for hanging out with your friends, whether he likes other girls better, what his mood is going to be like, whether or not you'll say something that will set them off or turn off their feelings toward you. To not have your blackberry parked by your side at all times, waiting and wondering why it decided to stop working all of a sudden. (yeah, right.) Trust me, being stone cold alone is light years better than the anxiety associated with this. Why live your life tiptoeing around on eggshells? You can use the time to rekindle friendships, try new things, meet new people, all with a more positive carefree attitude on life. I have come to the realization that it’s very freeing and empowering.

6.) By being with somebody who isn’t into you and/or is “wishy-washy” and/or isn’t right for you, you are one step closer to being with your soul mate.
Pretty simple. Staying with somebody just to have a boyfriend is preventing you from finding that perfect person. It’s a process and plan God has in store for us that will come when it is supposed to. In 10 days, 10 weeks or 10 years. Looking for it won’t speed up the process. Enjoying your life and living it to the fullest can certainly make it go by faster, though : )

I think remembering the things I listed above has shortened my recovery period. So I thought I would share.
(Wow…Sorry for the long post! )